Oh, the irony! I had such a great (and awesome) blog post written. I hit a wrong button, and poof! It was gone. Forever. It had much to do with things happening (and not happening) when you want them to. And for what is supposed to happen, happening when it WANTS to. And here I am, writing what I think was supposed to be my original blog post, afterall. And admittedly, hitting the save button WAY more often.
I sat down the other day to create my self-anticipated awesome photo inspired by A Great Big World + Christina Aguilera's song (that shreds me) "Say Something". Until it Just. Wouldn't. Happen. Like, a massive 80 ft thick wall erected itself between me and creativity and would not crumble until I abandoned it and moved onto something else. The shoot happened, the ideas were flying wildly all through me (and driving Clint insane with my indecisiveness). Then, I sat down to pull it all together...but it wouldn't come together. It refused. And instead, "Waiting For My Ship To Come In" (pic below!) happened, and it was absolutely, perfectly, exactly what was supposed to. Here's why.
You can't force it. It's all (and I mean ALL) going to happen - when it's going to happen. Art, life, love, career - it's all a) going to happen when it chooses to and b) when you enable it to. "B" back there, being the most important. I can't shake the chance encounters I had with a tarot reader, and a separate palm reader, 4 days apart, in New Orleans just a couple weeks ago. Clint had readings as well, and his were so different from mine but so perfectly appropriate for him - and both had the same things to tell him. My readings were no different - both women (gifted!) told me the exact same things. I need balance. I need to let go of the expectations I put on myself. I need to accept the love I'm given. I need to let soul and spirituality into my art. I need more transparency in my life. I need to (here's the kicker) take better care of myself. Both picked up on that - and it wasn't a surprise to me, either.
How can you expect everything to fall into your lap, while you're busy filling your lap with clasped fists and head down and all bundled up refusing to let anything in? How can you welcome in abundance and awesomeness into your life when you (sometimes) don't think you deserve it? You get exactly what you think you deserve. And changing how you see yourself, can change what you get from (and allow into) your life. This is why "Say Something", the pic I really sat down - ALL DAY - to create, didn't happen. What was more important than dealing with the idea that people could be giving up (or have given up) on me? Dealing with the idea that it was all JUST GOING TO HAPPEN. Admitting that it happened, and here I am. Accepting that this is where I am NOW, regardless of what I have, or haven't, accomplished, finished, created or made happen. Letting going of - or reclaiming - promises made and unfulfilled. "Waiting For My Ship To Come In" decided it was it's time to come out, and when it was finished (it was the easiest pic I've ever done) it made me think...
Click through the slides to see the making of...
You can't stand at an abandoned pier waiting for a ship that may not even coming. In a fog, alone, simply hoping for the best. You honestly do "get what you give" in this world. It's how the universe works - just like a boomerang - what you send out, you get back. Just waiting there for something to happen - will just net you more waiting for something to happen. It's in the doing, and the giving, the creating and the feeling - that you will get that back tenfold. Waiting for something to happen will never beacon any ship to dock itself at the pier under your feet.
I had my hand slapped a few times by the palm reader after I told her what I was - or wasn't - doing, or had done and stopped, or tried to, and stalled. She basically wanted to grab me and shake me (but would probably have been arrested - it was New Orleans afterall). It's funny how you can be waiting to board the cruise of your life, get distracted, and end up on a pier waiting for a ship that isn't even coming for you anymore. Here's hoping 2014 changes that.